Texts: Acts 5:27-32; John 20:19-31
So today we have heard two stories directly about belief.
We got the story of Thomas, sometimes called doubting Thomas, who declares that he needs proof to believe in the resurrection. And while he receives it, he is told that others’ will be rewarded for believing without this.
And we have a declaration from Peter to the high priest – the disciples committing themselves to faith in Jesus despite pressure to do otherwise.
And it could be simple to surmise from the pairing of these readings that the lectionary, and whoever wrote it, wants us to remember to be better than Thomas, and have the declarative, certain, faith of Peter.
And I guess I have very deeply held feelings about that, because saying it makes me a bit uncomfortable. And on a shallow look at my discomfort, I would say it’s because there’s a certain type of person who first comes to mind when I think about declarative, certain, faith. A certain type of Christian. And they’re generally a Christian that I’m a bit mad at, really.
Probably you’ve got some Christians that you are mad at too? Maybe? Probably there are some Christians that get to be in the newspaper, or stand up on the ABC, and speak with Authority for Christianity. And say something and you go “oooooooh…. You’re giving us bad PR bro. Don’t speak for me, please.” You know that yucky feeling, when someone gets up there, when a different Christian gets up there, and they say something they believe as a Christian. And your gut reaction is “don’t speak for me. I don’t want to be lumped in with you. I don’t want to be part of that.”
Maybe you felt this this week, when the PM spoke to suggest that disabled children are not blessings from God. Well, that’s who comes to mind for me when I hear the advice to speak out and own your faith.
And I think part of that discomfort/upsettness may be the sort of authority that I see people calling upon by owning their faith. Gaining some legitimacy for their own opinion by tying it to the authority of God. And that makes me quite genuinely uncomfortable.
And I think I am right to be uncomfortable with that. Having pride in your faith can easily slip into having certainty in an idol God you have remade in the image of yourself. There is a lot of room for questions in our God. Our Holy Book is not written in the style of a “12 rules for life” self-help paperback. It’s full of stories and poetry and metaphor and a lot of narrative. And when our messiah left us, he did not leave a game plan to guide us. He left the spirit, as this week’s texts declare.
So it is a fundamental element of my theology, that the God who gives us narrative, the creator God who included parasites, including ones that turn ants into zombies, and the God who lives in each of us even when we disagree. That that is a God who is asking us to be comfortable with uncertainty. Who gives us a world of nuance.
And so I am upset by the implication that because another Christian and I both claim belief in the same divine authority, their opinion – which they have tacked onto that authority – is meant to also be something I give God’s weight to.
And sometimes to push back against that, I have leaned quite hard into a doubting Thomas narrative. Who my mum referred to last weekend as “digging Thomas”. She felt like it wasn’t fair, for me to describe him as doubting. He just wants to know the facts. There’s nothing wrong with that. In the same room, not getting told off by Jesus, are people who already got the proof. At this point none of the other disciples are believing in the resurrection on faith alone. So that’s her take.
Thomas, I would contest, is a bit of a more socially acceptable Christian, at least in the circles I tend to be in. He didn’t just believe what he was told, but pushed back and said ‘wait a second, I need more evidence on that’ and waited for more information to believe. Rational. Thoughtful.
I think of myself as quite rational. Science minded. And I like other people thinking of me as such. If I am honest, I have to admit that a good part of the value I get from being thought of as rational is a kind of authority, and legitimacy, that I get to have.
So maybe another part of the reason I am uncomfortable with the call to declarative faith, it how it would contest my preferred route to authority. It pushes against the legitimacy I gain when I hedge my bets.
The sort of evangelistic zeal I described earlier seems a bit gauche in uniting church circles – So pride and authority in declaring God’s will may not be many of your weaknesses. But maybe you too find yourself proud to be a bit of a doubting Thomas. Maybe you take pride in the legitimacy your peers give you from being very carefully rational whenever you mention faith.
In this way, pride in reason and pride in faith can be the same: Both can be about self-legitimising. Getting authority.
And in that way both can be counter to listening, and counter to trust. Neither of which are fruits of pride in your own authority. Both open us to judgement. Judging someone for cowardly hiding their faith. Judging someone for speaking openly, naively, embarrassingly about it.
And so those are two ways of engaging with the idea of faith that I see as relatively common in my life and in the world around me. Neither of them are great.
In contrast, when we look at the stories of today, we see an interesting different pattern. The request for proof and the declaration of faith were both made in moments that were costly.
This was not the smug pride that knows you will gain authority from your stance. This is a counterculture moment. Putting your genuine self out there despite the damage to your legitimacy.
We see this in Thomas, who is reprimanded for his request. And who even before that, speaks up, alone, in defiance of his friends. Something that is not easy. Thomas is not being rational to look cool, to get legitimacy.
We also see this in Peter. He does not call on faith to build support for an argument he thinks he can “win”. He does not call on faith from the position of leader of a nation. He calls on faith, genuinely, in defiance of an authority who has significant power over him, and in doing so is stripped of authority, and even safety. What a costly pride in your faith.
So, the call that I see in today’s lectionary is not for smug, legitimising, pride in either rationality or faith. But it is the certainty to say what you believe when that is going to cost you. This is a call for genuineness.
As we go back out into the world, may you bring authenticity. May you share the God you know, but do not understand perfectly. May you share your questions and your doubts. May you listen well. And if you want to talk with me about anything I have said today, or anything else you’ve thought of, I would love that.
JJ Hamilton